i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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