How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
