I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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