areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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