I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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