I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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