this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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