I want to walk on stilts...naked
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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