Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
