he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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