btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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