She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The air was thick with penises
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
