In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
