Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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