she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
