At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
