I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize