he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
