Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
