she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
