god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
