why didn't you poke me back
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
