Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
