Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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