Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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