I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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