new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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