He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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