Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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