Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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