i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
