I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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