Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i think i just lost a toe
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
