I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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