There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
