your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
