I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
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