are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
