sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
