He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
