I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize