Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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