I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize