At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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