i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I could make wine with my vomit
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
