theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
