am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
