I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
