She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
COCAINE IS GR8
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