Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
