I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm at about main and main street
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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