who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
