Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
