I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
