So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
