This girl is more easily done than said...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
