If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
