while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
