Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
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