Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
