thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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