My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
