I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
