I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
