well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize