there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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