ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
PANTIES FOUND
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
