Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
