I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
