Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
