hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
