I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
