it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
