allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
