She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
