I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
This gyro tastes like lonliness
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
