there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
