I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
