Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
