Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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