I wish I could punch you in the face.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
