I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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