i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
