You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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