If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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