Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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