Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize