sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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