I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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