You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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