Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
