omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
