once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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