No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize