currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
