Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize