and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
