yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
