Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
