at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
