forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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