this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Enjoy the penises
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
