I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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