OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
