The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
