Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
